Baby, You're a Starr, Special Edition!
by L1701E
Summary: Chapter 5 up! The re-release of the story that brought us X-Baby versions of Starchild, Darkstar, and Pyro! Next, the wayward X-Babies go home! RR Please!
1. Escape! Hi, I'm Baby Starchild!

**Baby, You're a Starr, Special Edition!**

**Author's Note: Hey folks! L1701E here! I'm dusting off another old fic, cleaning it up a bit, and re-submitting it! Ladies and Gentlemen, let me introduce the new version of Baby, You're a Starr! Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: Red Witch owns Althea, Xi, and Trinity. I own the Starr Brothers, Marvel has everyone else.**

Chapter 1: Escape! Hi, I'm Baby Starchild!

**Mojoworld**

Mojo, the very large, pale, and extremely ugly bulbous yellow-green ruler of the TV-obsessed dimension called Mojoworld, was watching three teens walk through the streets of LA. These three teenagers, named Paul Stanley Starr, Craig Allman Starr, and St. John Allerdyce, the Misfits known as Starchild, Darkstar, and Pyro, were the teens he was viewing.

"_Ooooh_…Three new Misfits! I must have them as performers! Imagine, Major Domo!" Mojo turned to his butler-esque second-in-command. "The one called Starchild is insanely popular with women! He's a teen idol here in Mojoworld! My secretary's daughter is in love with him! And Darkstar, with his bad boy attitude and temper. He'd be a great action film star, or a star of a gritty crime drama! I can see it now: Craig Starr is the toughest cop in the precinct, taking the law into his own hands in 'Gritty Crime Drama'! People love crazy people, so they'll be fascinated by Pyro and his obsession with setting things ablaze! They're perfect performers!" Mojo laughed. Major Domo remembered something.

"Your mightyness, the modifications and repairs to the cloning machine are complete. Now you can get your DNA in their world, and create the clones here. I have taken the liberty of creating X-Baby versions of Starchild, Darkstar, and Pyro." Major Domo nodded. Mojo smiled.

"Good work!" Mojo complimented. An alien walked in. "What?"

"Sir, we're having several problems with the three new babies." The alien replied. "The X-Baby Girls appear to all be in love with Baby Starchild, and the Baby versions of Cyclops, Colossus, Gambit, and Berzerker keep getting themselves injured when trying to kill him. Baby Darkstar beats the employees up and refuses to perform. Baby Pyro keeps setting things ablaze. He burned down a catering truck. And somehow, he completely fried a fireproof wall!" Another alien ran in.

"They escaped!"

**Xavier Institute**

A purple vortex opened up in front of the mansion. A small boy, around five, fell out and landed on his butt, letting out a squeak. The boy had long black hair and chocolate brown eyes. He looked like a '80s boy, in black Converse hi-tops, purple acid-washed jeans, a KISS t-shirt, and zebra-print fingerless gloves with fringe and several bracelets on each wrist. He also had on hanging 5-pointed star earrings and a purple 5-pointed star birthmark over his right eye. **(A/N: You can probably guess who this is.)**

"Ow, my bottom!" The little boy rubbed his butt. He looked around quickly. "Where am I? I'm hungry." The little boy got up and ran inside the building.

**Inside the Institute**

"_Yeah!__ Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! WHOOO!!! What a lovely day!_" Scott sang out as he watched TV. Rogue looked up from her book.

"What're _you_ so happy about?" Rogue wondered. "It has to be interesting if it makes _you_ happy."

"Paul's going to be in LA for a week! So is his dumb thug brother and that crazy idiot Pyro. He can't try to steal Jean's heart when he's there! Neither can Craig beat me up nor Pyro set my things ablaze! Ha ha!" Scott hummed happily. Rogue sighed.

"Ah hope Paul misses me." Rogue smiled. Scott shook his head at that remark. "Ah still can't believe Pyro is a Misfit."

"No kidding." Scott grumbled. "I just hope that loony doesn't burn the house down. He'd love that." He then saw a five-year-old version of Paul walk by. His eyes widened. "AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! DEAR GOD NO!!!!!!!" He ran away screaming. The baby Paul watched and shrugged, continuing on his way. Rogue looked up, but never saw the tiny version of Starchild.

_That boy seriously needs psychiatric help._ Rogue thought as she went back to her reading. The baby Paul walked to the pool, where he saw Tabitha in an orange-and-purple swimsuit, soaking up some rays while listening to music.

_Maybe the big version of Tabby knows where I am._ The boy smiled and walked over to her. She was listening to music on headphones, humming to herself. The boy laughed. "She's funny." He pulled the headphones off her head, making her jump up.

"Bobby, I'm going to…" Tabitha turned, ready to fire a death glare as well as throw a couple time bombs, but instead saw the boy, who smiled.

"Hi, I'm Paul." The boy introduced himself. "Do you know where I am?" The boy grinned. Tabby's squeal could be heard halfway to London. The other X-Men ran out.

"Tabitha, is something wrong?" Storm asked.

"_HE'S SO **CUTE!!!!!**_" Tabby held up the tiny Paul Starr. The other X-Girls' jaws dropped, and their eyes glazed over.

"**HE'S ADORABLE!!!!**" They cried out and gathered around the little version of Starchild. The X-Boys' jaws dropped.

"We're being punished. We're really being punished, aren't we?" Ray moaned. Scott turned red.

"Dear God, why?" He groaned. "It's bad enough with the full-size Starchild, but now there's a miniature one?!?! _WHYYYYYYYYYYYY?!?!?!?!_" The X-Girls were all cooing the little version of Paul.

"Odds say 10 to 1 that that kid's from Mojoverse." Logan reasoned.

"Johnny, tell Logan what he's won." Beast rolled his eyes.

"Why would a baby version of Starchild be here?" Storm wondered.

"Wait, where did Mojo get Paul's DNA to make a Baby Starchild?" Jamie scratched his head.

"Mojo fixed up his clone machine so he can get DNA samples from anyone in this world. He don't have to take them to Mojoworld." Baby Paul explained. "He made me, my brother and my best friend that way."

"Vait, there's a Baby Darkstar?" Kurt realized.

"And a Baby Pyro? God help us all." Bobby added.

"Oh things just get better and better, don't they?" Scott growled. Jean held Baby Paul.

"Now what's a cutie pie like you doing here in our world?" Jean asked the little rocker.

"Mojo created me for his new music channel, Rock TV. I would perform music and host a show. I wanted a new guitar, but the big meanie wouldn't give me a new guitar. He said I should've taken care of my last one." Baby Paul started tearing up. "I came here to get help getting a guitar. Baby Scott, Baby Ray, Baby Remy, and the Baby Colossuses are all also mean to me. They call me names all the time. Why are they mean to me? I'm never mean to them. Mojo gave me a guitar, but they bashed it. WAHHHHH!!!!!" Baby Paul started crying.

"Awww, don't cry Paul. We'll think of something." Kitty cooed. Rogue took Baby Paul.

"Ah dunno why they're mean, sugah. Ah guess it's because they're big jerks." Rogue glared at the X-Baby Boys' older counterparts.

"Why are you blaming **us?**" Ray snapped.

"It's not our fault that the dumb kid has no guitar." Peter grumbled.

"Hey, maybe we can get the little guy a guitar." Tabby suggested.

"Now where are you going to get a guitar his size?" Colossus snickered.

"Yeah, de little shrimp looks like he can barely handle a ukulele!" Gambit laughed.

"Jean, I don't like this guy. Not one bit." Scott glared at Baby Paul. "The full-size Paul is bad enough as it is." Jean glared.

"Scott, don't you _dare_ bully this little guy. He's harmless! He just wants a guitar." Jean warned.

"Then get him his stupid guitar so he'll go away." Peter grumbled.

"I'll go with him, and help him pick it out." Tabby took Baby Paul and sat him down on the ground. "I'm sure you'll be a little angel."

"Ah'll take him." Rogue said.

"No, I will!" Kitty raised her voice.

"No, I will! I can drive without killing anybody!" Jean snapped.

"I wanna take him!" Amara yelled. The five girls started arguing. The X-Boys grumbled.

"Man, you guys must've done something terrible!" Jamie laughed.

"We are being punished for something. But what did we do?" Peter whined. Baby Paul just sat there, watching the girls fight.

_Here we go…CATFIGHT!!!!_ Baby Paul mused.

**Bayville Mall**

A purple vortex materialized on the roof of the Bayville Mall. Two boys, around five, fell out. The first one had long wild black hair. He had a 5-pointed star birthmark over his right eye, just like Baby Paul, only black instead of purple. He wore a black t-shirt, black leather jacket, and blue jeans, with white sneakers. He carried a small nightstick. The other boy had semi-long reddish-blond hair. He carried a lighter, and wore an orange t-shirt with silver-and-black flames on it, as well as matching slacks and black tennis shoes.

"Hehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehe!!!" The reddish-blond kid laughed insanely in an Australian accent. "Can we burn something? I wanna burn something!" He started jumping up and down. "Fire! Fire! Fire! Fire! Fire! Fire!" The black-haired boy moaned.

"No, John. Mojo sent us to get Paul back." The black-haired boy told the reddish-blond boy.

"But I wanna BURRRRRRRRRNNNNNNN something, Craig!! _Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeease_" Baby Pyro begged.

"Alright! Alright! You can inciny………incitir………incinar………burn a couple plants!" Baby Darkstar caved in as he opened a skylight and prepped a rope. "C'mon!" Baby Craig and Baby John climbed down the rope, but they slipped and fell.

"WHOOOOOOOAAAAA!!!!" The two boys bounced off a cart roof and landed on their butts. "Ow!" The cart owner walked up to them.

"Want a t-shirt?" He asked. Baby John looked up at him.

"Can I set your cart on fire?" He asked gleefully. "I like to set things on fire." The cart owner's eyes widened.

"You okay, kid?" The man asked the tiny version of Pyro.

"Have you seen my brother?" Baby Craig asked. "He looks like me, only dressed as an 80s rocker."

"I wanna set something on fire." Baby John got up and walked away.

"No, I haven't. Where's he going?" The cart owner pointed in Baby John's direction. His eyes widened as he realized what baby John was doing with his cart and the lighter. "Hey kid! Put down that lighter! Oh God, he just set the whole freakin' rack on fire!"

"WHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Baby Pyro's crazy laugh rang out.

Hoo Boy! Here we go again! For this chapter, I am definitely taking suggestions. Who'll take Baby Paul to the mall? What kind of guitar will he pick up? Will Baby Pyro burn everything down? Will Baby Darkstar beat up a bunch of people? Suggestions needed! See you next chapter!


	2. Mall Madness!

**Baby, you're a Starr!, Special Edition!**

**Disclaimer: "Life is just a fantasy, can you live this fantasy life?" - Aldo Nova**

Chapter 2: Mall Madness!

**Bayville Mall**

Baby Pyro was in a clothing store, causing havoc as only he could. "WHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!" Baby John laughed crazily as he watched a clothes rack burn. "Fire! Burn! Burn! Burn! WHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!" A couple security guards were running to the tiny pyrokinetic.

"Hey kid, Stop!" One guard cried. Baby John smiled evilly at them as he pointed his lighter flame at them.

"Bye Bye." Baby Pyro waved cutely as his lighter flame formed a pair of cute-looking flaming horses. "Say hi to my horsies!!" The horses charged the guards.

"Aw shoot! Run!!" The guards ran for their lives, fiery stampeding horses after them, leaving a laughing Baby John. He picked up a t-shirt from another rack.

"I hate pink!" He glared, throwing it into the fire. "Pink is evil! And it attracts Kathy Bates!"

**The entrance to the Bayville Mall**

"Here we are, little guy." Kitty cooed cutely. She held Baby Paul by the hand as she and the other X-Girls entered the mall.

"I wanna go to the music store." Baby Paul said. "All I need is a guitar. A purple one. Purple's my favorite color." He grinned.

"Doesn't he have the cutest little smile?" Rogue picked up Baby Paul.

"_Awwwwwww_" The other X-Girls cooed. Baby Starchild laughed.

"You girls act just like the other girls back home." Baby Paul laughed. "They all like me for some reason."

"Because you're so cute, that's why." Amara smiled.

**A video game store**

"Paul? Paul? Where are you?" Baby Craig looked around in an electronics store. "Stupid brother of mine. Always getting into…" He trailed off as he saw a video game. "Ooh! They got Grand Theft Auto, Vice City! I've been wantin' that." Baby Darkstar grabbed the game and shoved it in his coat. He then made sure to hi-tail it before anyone noticed it was gone.

**A clothing store**

The X-Girls were at a clothing store, alongside a confused Baby Paul.

"Uhm, girls…I don't mean to be testy, but what does clothes shopping have to do with getting my guitar?" Baby Paul asked Jean.

"Well, we thought we might get some shopping in while we're here." Jean replied cutely. She held a shirt in front of her. "Does this look good on me?" Baby Paul shrugged.

"I think so." Baby Paul replied. Jean smiled and patted Baby Paul's head. Baby Starchild sighed. _Man, all I need is a guitar._ The tiny LA native clone decided to go get it himself. "I'm gonna go find the music store. Bye Jean!" Baby Paul walked away, thinking Jean had heard him. _Girls.__ The single weirdest creatures on the face of the earth. Gotta love 'em._ Baby Paul smiled as he walked to find the music store.

**The Bayville Mall parking lot**

Duncan Matthews' car parked in a parking space near the mall's main entrance. He jumped out with a grin.

"Ahhhh, the mall. The number ONE place to get me a chick." He grinned, smoothing his blond hair in the rearview mirror. "Man, I'm good-looking." He gave his car a pat. "Don't go anywhere, baby. I'll be right back." He walked away with a grin. Baby John peeked out of a nearby bush.

"What a pretty car." He grinned, walking up to it. "I wanna burn it." Baby Pyro held up his lighter. "Time to fry." He grinned maniacally as he formed a large fiery gorilla from the flame. "Monkey, bash it!" The fiery gorilla roared and started using its fists to bash up the car. Baby John laughed as he walked away, leaving a dumbfounded crowd.

"Where'd that gorilla come from?"

"How did it do that?"

"Is it made of _fire?_"

"Don't make any sudden moves, and maybe it'll leave!"

**Inside the Mall**

Baby Darkstar was spraying the words "Darkstar Rules!" on the wall near the food court, using spray paint he stole from a hardware store. A mall cop walked up to him.

"Hey, little boy." He kneeled down next to him. "Don't you know that you're not allowed to spray paint on the walls. That's not nice."

"I know." Baby Craig glared. "And I don't care. Buzz off, pig."

"Now where'd you learn that language?"

"From your mother." Baby Craig glared. The cop shook his head.

"Where are your parents?"

"I have no parents." Baby Craig replied. "So go away."

"C'mon, kid." The cop grabbed Baby Craig, prompting a "Hey!" from the tiny ex-gang member. "We're gonna find your parents." The game Craig stole earlier fell from his jacket. The cop noticed.

"Hey, wait…" He picked up the game. "Where'd you get this?"

"Leave me alone!" Baby Craig snapped, blasting the cop's foot with his eye laser.

"OWWW!!!!" The cop grabbed his foot, dropping his leg and causing him to hop on one foot in a rather comical manner. Baby Craig kicked the cop's other leg, making him fall over. Baby Darkstar grabbed the game and ran off, stuffing it back in his jacket.

"Hey stop, kid!" He radioed for backup.

**An elevator**

Baby Paul rode the elevator up to the top floor.

"Wheeeeeee!" He cheered. "This is fun! Up and down! Up and down!" A lady who was there turned to the small superstar.

"You look familiar…" She tried to remember where she saw him before. Baby Paul scratched his head.

"I have that kind of face. Do you know where the music store is?" He told her. The lady shook her head, and the tiny superstar drooped his head in disappointment. The elevator stopped. "My floor!" He ran off, smiling. The lady scratched her head.

"Nah…He couldn't be one of them Misfits. They're teenagers." The lady shrugged.

**The parking lot**

Duncan Matthews looked at the flaming wreck that was his car, with wide eyes and a jaw that hit the ground.

"My car…" He moaned, starting to twitch. "My beautiful car. What happened?" He looked like he was about to cry.

"You don't wanna know, man." A guy said to Duncan.

"First I end up in jail with a drunken moron senator, now this!! WHYYYYYYYYYYY?!?!?!?!?!?!" He burst out crying.

**The back entrance of the mall**

Another purple vortex opened up in front of the back entrance of the mall. Four X-Babies jumped out. One was Baby Cyclops, the second was Baby Berzerker, the third was baby Gambit, and the fourth was one of the Baby Colossuses.

"Howcum de other Baby Colossuses are not wit' us?" Baby Gambit wondered.

"Because between plans backfiring and Darkstar's beatdowns, I'm the only one who is not injured." The Baby Colossus replied.

"We are gonna get that Starchild once and for all this time!" Baby Scott raised his fist in the air.

"He ain't gonna steal Gambit's girl!" Baby Remy added. Baby Ray looked at Baby Colossus.

_If this guy's number is 13, then we're in BIIIIIIIG trouble._

"Baby Paul's gonna get it this time! WHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!" Baby Scott laughed evilly. Baby Remy looked at him.

"We are gonna die. Gambit just know it." Baby Remy moaned.

Between Baby Pyro and Baby Craig running amok and the Baby X-Boys after Baby Paul's life, all heck's gonna break loose!!! Will Pyro burn the mall down? Will Baby Craig beat up more mall cops? Will the X-Girls get their shopping done? Will Baby Paul get a new guitar? Find out in the next chapter!! Suggestions needed!!!!


	3. More Mall Madness!

**Baby, You're a Starr, Special Edition!**

**Disclaimer: "Shut up, Cartman." - Stan Marsh, ****South****Park******

Chapter 3: More Mall Madness!

**Inside the Bayville Mall**

_Oh yeah! I just remembered! I promised the girls I'd pick up gifts!_ Baby Paul mused to himself as he sped by a bush in the mall. The X-Baby Boys peeked up.

"Alright, guys…" Baby Scott said. "Time to take out a Starchild!"

**Inside the Bayville Mall**

"WAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!" A young boy with wild reddish-blond hair sobbed as he sat on the bench. Amara noticed the little boy as she passed by while carrying her stuff. "WAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!! _BOOOOOOOOO!!!!!_"

"Are you okay, little guy?" She came up to the small boy. He looked up and she was shocked. "_Pyro_"

"Can you help m-m-m-meeeee?" Baby John cried. "I-I-I-I lost my lighter! WAHHHHHHH!!!! I want my Zippy!!!"

"Uhhhh…" Amara was unsure whether she should help the tiny pyromaniac clone. "Zippy?"

"Zippy." Baby John moaned. "Me favorite lighter. The nice lady Spiral gave it to me when I was created. The pink monsters took my lighter." Baby Pyro moaned.

"Pink monsters?" Amara asked in disbelief.

"They come after you when you least expect it." Baby John explained with a sniffle. "They take your favorite things and hide them far away from you. They're the reason why you lose your socks in the dryer. They live in the dryer. But they come out when they see something they like. They liked me lighter. I can't use me powers without me lighter." Baby John started crying again. "WAHHHHHH!!!! I WANT ME LIGHTER!!!!! I WANT ME ZIPPY!!!!" Amara sat down next to the small clone of St. John.

"How did you lose your lighter?" Amara asked.

"Pink monster took it." Baby John told her.

"Uhm, how did the monster steal your lighter?" Amara sighed. _This clone is as psycho as the original! Next thing you know, he's gonna rant about fairies living in peanut butter! Certainly didn't stop the original Allerdyce._

"I was walking down the escalator, looking for something to burn." Baby John told the story. "A big pink rhino monster knocked into me. I mouthed him off, and I found me lighter was gone. The monster stole it! I tried to catch him, but he got away!" Baby John sobbed. "My poor lighter. They're probably gonna use it in their machine."

"What machine?" Amara asked. _Oh no, here comes another nutty rant! Next time, keep your big mouth shut, Aquilla!_

"The pink monsters are using the stuff they steal to build a machine that they'll use to take over the world!" Baby John jumped off the bench. "That's why they're after me! I know their plan! They need my Zippy to turn the socks into fuel for their machine! They're trying to prevent me from spreading the word! I need help in stopping them! If I get my lighter back, their machine won't work and they can't conquer the world!"

"Uhmmmmm…" Amara digested Baby John's "mission". _Hasn't the Allerdyce family ever heard of therapy? He needs it! Bad!_

"C'mon!" Baby John grabbed Amara.

"Hey!" She yelled as the tiny pyromaniac grabbed her by the hand and dragged her behind him.

**Somewhere else in the mall**

"How could have lost him?!?!" Tabby screamed at Jean.

"The poor little sweetheart must be lost." Rogue moaned.

"Not my fault! One second he was there, the next, he was gone! I didn't even notice he was gone in my mind!" Jean replied.

"Like, way to go! This is a big mall, Jean! And he's so little! The poor baby must be so confused and wondering what's going on and where he is!" Kitty put her piece in.

"Let's just find him!" Rogue snapped.

"Hey, has any of you seen Amara?" Tabby looked around.

"She said she went to look at the jewelry." Rogue replied. 

**Yet somewhere else in the mall**

Baby Paul passed by a couple limping security guards. He scratched his head.

"Huh. They should stop hiring mall cops with histories of injuries." Baby Paul thought out loud. "That can't be any help to anyone." Baby Paul pulled out a trinket from a bag he carried with him. It was a tiny crown. "Amara will love this. Now what would the other girls like?" Baby Paul walked up to a jewelry store. "Jean does have a fondness for jewelry." Unbeknownst to Baby Paul, Baby Cyclops had hung a piano above the entrance. He stood on the level above the jewelry store, holding a string. He was obviously inspired by Road Runner cartoons.

"This will really get 'im!" Baby Scott grinned. He waited for Baby Paul to walk out, and the tiny Starchild walked out, carrying a pretty necklace. "Yeah!" He let go of the string, but the piano did not fall. "WHAT?!" He jumped on top of the piano and jumped up and down on it a couple times. The piano didn't fall an inch. "I can't believe this! Don't tell me the pulley jammed!" He jumped down below the piano, scratching his head. "This is just great! I can't believe it!" The piano came crashing down on top of the tiny Cyclops clone.

"OWWWWWWCH!!!!!" Baby Scott screamed. "Now it comes down. Owie…"

**The food court**

Baby Craig ran into the food court and dove under the table, but not before swiping ketchup and a mustard container from the table. At a nearby table, Duncan Matthews was lifting up a ketchup bottle to pour ketchup on some fries.

"Man, my poor baby. I can't get chicks without my baby." Duncan whined. "Maybe ketchup-covered fries will down my sorrows." Two mall cops ran into the court.

"Where'd that little punk go?" The first mall cop growled, looking around.

"I dunno. I just don't know. What is he, a ninja?" The second mall cop panted. Baby Craig aimed his ketchup container, firing the thick red condiment all over the mall cops.

"HEY!!! WHO THREW THAT?!?!" They screamed. Duncan saw the whole thing and burst out laughing. They turned around, and saw Duncan was holding a ketchup container.

"I knew it! The first mall cop growled. Duncan's eyes widened.

"Wait! I-I-I-" Duncan didn't get to finish, because the two mal cops were dragging him off to be detained. Duncan screamed and cursed as he was dragged off. Baby Craig watched with an evil smirk.

"Dumb cops." He snickered to himself. He saw Baby Paul walk by.

_PAUL!!!!_ Baby Darkstar yelled telepathically through his link with his brother. Baby Paul smiled.

_Hi, Craig.__ I was going to get a guitar and presents for the girls._ Baby Paul responded telepathically.

_Mojo__ wants your butt home, now!_

_Don't tell me you take orders from that meanie._

_I take orders from no one!_

_Except Wanda._ Baby Paul smirked in Baby Craig's direction. Baby Darkstar blushed.

_SHUT UP!!!!_ Baby Craig mentally snapped.

_I need to find presents for the girls and get a guitar._ Baby Paul replied. _Come with me._ Baby Darkstar shrugged.

_Might as well.__ I can't go back without John and he's gone too._ Baby Craig sighed.

_Maybe he's off fighting aliens from under the bed. He was trying to do that last time._ Baby Paul shrugged. _Spiral wasn't too happy when he set fire to her favorite bedspread._

_Thank God for your charms._ Baby Craig sighed mentally as he joined his brother.

Well, another chapter done and dusted! Will Baby Paul get his guitar? Will the X-Baby Boys get their revenge on Baby Paul? Most likely not. Can Amara and Baby John stop the evil pink monsters and rescue Baby Pyro's beloved lighter, Zippy? Find out in the next chapter! Suggestions welcome!


	4. Even More Mall Madness!

**Baby, You're a Starr, Special Edition!**

**Author's Note: It should be obvious why Baby John named his lighter Zippy.**

**Disclaimer: "You were right. No human being would stack books like this." - Bill Murray as Peter Venkman, Ghostbusters**

Chapter 4: Even More Mall Madness!

**Bayville Mall**

"Jean would love this necklace." Baby Paul put the necklace in the bag.

"Uh-huh." Baby Craig nodded like he wasn't listening.

"What should I get Rogue, Tabby, and Kitty?"

"I don't know, and I don't _care!_" Baby Craig groaned. "I just want to find John and go _home!_"

"Maybe you should get something for Wanda." Baby Paul grinned, making Baby Darkstar blush.

"Shut up, Starchild!" A red-faced Baby Craig snapped. The twin brothers walked towards a music store.

"Craig, I promised Rogue I'd get a CD for her." Baby Starchild told his twin brother.

"Make it snappy. And if you see John, tell him to quit burning everything and get his butt out here!" Baby Craig replied. Baby Paul ran into the store happily. Meanwhile, Baby Ray was sitting on top of a huge firecracker.

"Hehehehehehehehehehehehe." He snickered as he lit the firecracker's fuse at the end. As the fuse burned away, he began to think. "Now I know I forgot something, but what…" Baby Paul walked out. "WHAT?!?!?!" He desperately tried to blow out the fuse, but it burned away as the Baby Starr Brothers walked away from the store. "Aw shoot WHOOOOOOOAAAAAAAA!!!!" The firecracker, with Baby Berzerker on it, shot into the store at high speed, then exploded. **_KABOOOOOMMMM!!!!!_** "OWWWWWWCH!!!!!!!!!!!!" The Baby Starr Brothers continued walking.

"Did you hear something?" Baby Paul asked.

"Nope." Baby Craig replied.

**Elsewhere in the mall**

"There he is!" Baby John whispered to Amara. The two mutants were hiding behind a bush. Baby John was staring intensely at a man in a pink rhino costume, handing out flyers to see some live show.

_Why am I doing this?_ Amara thought. _I'm being dragged around by some tiny clone of a guy who thinks there are monsters in washing machines and that Kathy Bates is out to kill him! Hoo boy._

"There's the monster. He's posing as one of them cutesy clowns in cheesy costumes." Baby John explained.

"Whatever." Amara rolled her eyes. She then noticed the lighter, John's beloved Zippy. It was attached to a bracelet chain that was caught around the rhino's horn. No one seemed to notice it. "There's the lighter, John. Just ask him to take it off his horn for you." John ignored Amara's sanity-filled statement.

"Here's the plan: You distract him, and I get Zippy. By the time the big lummox meets with his buddies, I'll have my Zippy back, and he'll look so stupid." Baby John snickered.

"Uhmm…How about I stay here and watch for his backup, while you get the lighter." Amara suggested, hoping she'd not have to get involved. _I hope he falls for it! From what my future consort Paul told me, he may be crazy, but far from stupid._ Baby John thought it over.

"Let's see…Amara's plan…Lots of risk, potential for possible serious injury…_I **LIKE** IT!!!_" Baby John grinned. "Let's do it!" Baby John leapt out of the bush and ran towards the man in the pink rhino suit. "GIMME MY ZIPPY, MONSTER!!!" The man turned around.

"What the…HEY!!!" The man yelled as Baby John leapt up and wrapped his arms around the man's neck.

"I'm outta here." Amara sighed as she walked away, grabbing her bags.

"Let go of me, ya little…" The man cursed and grumbled as Baby John held on tight, reaching for his lighter.

"You ain't gonna use my Zippy in your machine, monster!" Baby John screamed as he grabbed his lighter and leapt off the man. "Burn, baby, Burn!" Baby Pyro fired a ball of flames from his lighter as the man adjusted his mask.

"Hey what the AAAAGH!!! Call 911!!!" The man leapt about as his costume caught on fire.

"Send that to your buddies in the dryer! WHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!" Baby John cackled as he ran away.

"HEEEEEELLLLLLP!!!! Crazy kid set me on fire!!"

**Elsewhere in the mall**

"Like, he's not in the toy store!" Kitty ran out of the toy store to the other X-Girls.

"Where could he have gone? No one's seen him in the music store." Tabby wondered.

"He's probably at the food court." Jean suggested. She saw Amara walk up. "What happened to you?"

"I just met Baby Pyro." Amara sighed. "He's as nutty as the original Pyro."

"If there's a Baby Pyro, then how come this whole place isn't going up in flames?" Rogue asked.

"HEEEELLLP!!!!!" The man in the flaming rhino suit ran by, Baby John in hot pursuit.

"Get back here, mate! I ain't finished with you!" He yelled, swinging his lighter because its flame formed a lightsaber blade.

"Because he's on a mission right now." Amara quipped.

"Hey!" Jean used her telepathy to hold Baby John up in the air. "So you're Baby Pyro, huh?" Baby John looked at Jean.

"You have pretty hair. Can I set it on fire?" Baby Pyro grinned.

"Have you seen that little sugahpie called Baby Paul?" Rogue asked.

"Uhmm…no." Baby John fidgeted. "I've seen Craig, though. In the food court. I wanna come down now. Put me down!" Baby John started playing with his lighter flame.

"If Baby Darkstar is there, then Baby Starchild isn't too far behind! Let's go!" Jean ordered. The X-Girls ran to the food court, Baby John being telekinetically dragged behind them.

"Hey!" Baby John yelled. "Let me go! I'll set fire to ya!! Let me outta here!!"

**The toy store**

"Okay, here we are! The toy store!" Paul grinned. "Kitty wanted a stuffed dragon."

"Oooooh-kay." Baby Craig grumbled as the brothers walked in.

"You take the left, I'll take the right! Find a dragon!" Baby Paul told his brother as he ran to the right side of the store. Baby Craig sighed, then ran to the left side of the store. Baby Peter stalked the aisles, looking for Baby Paul. This Baby Colossus decided to take a more "Hands-on" approach to taking out Baby Paul. He tiptoed closer to one of the Baby Starr Brothers.

{Funny, Paul normally dresses more 1980s-ish. Wait a minute, this is Paul Starr. He's a born showman. He loves to act and play characters. He's probably in disguise right now. He thinks he can fool me. Oh, I'm much smarter than that, Starr.} Baby Colossus, with an evil grin, snuck up behind the Baby Starr Brother, turned to metal, and caught him in a bearhug. Baby Colossus started trying to crush the brother.

"Hey!" The brother cried out angrily. "Let me go, now!"

"Huh?" Baby Peter let the brother go. The boy turned around to reveal an angry face, and a black star birthmark. "Craig! Uh oh…" Baby Craig, with a sneer, pulled his nightstick out of his jacket.

"Someone's in a mood for a beatdown." Baby Craig's eye flashed. Baby Peter started shaking nervously.

"Wait, wait, wait man!" Baby Peter begged. "OW! OW! OWWWWW!!!" Baby Craig beat up Baby Peter, then left the store. Baby Paul ran out a couple minutes later, with a small purple stuffed dragon.

"Kitty will love this!"

**The food court**

"You said he was here!" Tabby snapped at Baby Pyro. The X-Girls were in the food court, and they had found no sign of Baby Starchild or Baby Darkstar.

"Not my fault, Sheila!" Baby John snapped back. "This is where I saw 'em last!"

"AND QUIT CALLING ME SHEILA!! MY NAME IS TABBY!!!" Tabby screamed.

"I'M AUSTRALIAN!!! AUSTRALIANS TRADITIONALLY CALL GIRLS 'SHEILA'!!!!" Baby John yelled back.

"They could be anywhere, and who knows what could happen, especially with Baby Craig." Rogue sighed. Amara realized something.

"You guys, remember why Paul came here?"

"Oh yeah…" Tabby realized. "A guitar! He wanted to pick up a new guitar!"

"Of course! The music store! They have everything from vinyl records to violins!" Rogue snapped her gloved fingers.

"Let's go!" Jean said. The X-Girls ran to the music store, Baby John being telekinetically dragged behind them.

"Not again…" He moaned. "I wish I could set telekinesis on fire."

What'll happen next? Will the X-Girls find Baby Paul? Will the X-Baby Boys get their hands on Baby Paul, or will they end up in the hospital yet again? Will Baby John get to set fire to anything else? Find out in the next chapter!


	5. Conclusion! End of the Mall Madness!

**Baby, You're a Starr, Special Edition!**

**Disclaimer: "I am the drunken Scotsman!" - Henry McCoy.**

Chapter 5: Conclusion! End of the Mall Madness!

("dialogue") – translation of muffled talk, just to clear up any confusion

**Bayville Mall**

"Okay, now what to get Tabby?" Baby Paul mused to himself. He passed by a clothing store. "Ahh! Inspiration!" He walked into the clothing store. Baby Gambit saw Baby Paul walk in and grinned evilly.

"Alright!" Baby Remy ran off and quickly came back with a short tree that had a very long branch. Baby Gambit pulled back the branch like a slingshot, designed to swat Baby Paul when released. "_Hehehehehehehehehe_ Dis'll take care of him once and for all!" Baby Remy waited for the right moment to release the branch. Baby Paul was approaching, and the baby Cajun waited until…"Huh?" Baby Remy looked up and saw a couple pretty girls walk by. "Whoa maman!" His tongue wagged as he unknowingly let go of the branch, and it whipped towards Baby Paul.

"Huh?" Baby Paul saw the tip of the branch whiz by the door. "Weird." The branch whipped back to Baby Remy, smacking him and sending him flying.

"OWWWWWCH!!!!!!" Baby Remy sailed over the railing, landing in a bush. Baby Starchild walked out, carrying a purple-and-black tiger-print beret.

"Tabby will definitely love this." He looked in his bag. "Okay, I got a beret for Tabby, a crown for Amara, some jewelry for Jean, a CD for Rogue, and a dragon for Kitty. Now I just gotta get my guitar, and the girls, and I'm outta here." Baby Paul walked to the music store.

**The Music Store**

"Man, where is he?" Jean sighed as she looked under a rack of records. The X-Girls were looking for Baby Paul in the music store. Baby John was with them.

"He's not hiding in the drums." Rogue reported.

"Nor is he in the horn section." Amara added.

"He's not even among the guitars." Kitty told Jean.

"LET ME GO!!!" A gruff voice yelled.

"Look what I found." Tabby walked up to the other X-Girls, dragging Baby Craig behind her. "Presenting: Baby Darkstar!"

"Let go of me _now_, Blondie!" Baby Craig yelled.

"Does he know where Baby Paul is?" Jean asked.

"I last saw him in the toy store." Baby Craig grumbled. "Blabberin' something about a stuffed dragon." The small street thug shrugged.

"As long as we're here, I could use a drum kit. An orange one." Baby John grinned.

"Hey, girls. Sorry if I worried you." The X-Girls turned to see Baby Paul. "I told Jean I was leaving, but she mustn't have heard me."

"PAUL!!!" The X-Girls crowded around Baby Paul, cooing.

"Man, how does he do it?" Baby John laughed.

"How should I know?" Baby Craig sighed, making sure his stolen game was tucked safely away from sight in his jacket.

"Are you alright, hon?" Tabby lifted up Baby Paul.

"Yeah, just gotta get my guitar." Baby Paul jumped down and picked out a guitar, a purple-and-black tiger-print Flying-V. "Man, I had fun today."

"I want a drum kit, mate!" Baby John snapped.

"Can we go home now, please?!?!" Baby Craig grumbled.

"Okay Paul, let's pay for that guitar." Jean told the tiny superstar. She took Paul's hand and took him to the cash register. Baby John whined.

"I want a drum kit!" He yelled. "Gimme a drum kit!" He started yelling loudly, jumping up and down. "I WANT A DRUM KIT!!! I WANT A DRUM KIT!!! I WANT A DRUM KIT!!! I WANT A DRUM KIT!!! I WANT A DRUM KIT!!! I WANT A DRUM KIT!!!"

"JEAN, GET HIM A DRUM KIT SO HE'LL SHUT UP!!!" Amara screamed.

"I WANT A DRUM KIT!!!" Baby John started setting things on fire in protest.

"WE'LL GET YOU A DRUM KIT!!! JUST STOP SCREAMING AND SETTING THINGS ON FIRE!!!" Rogue screamed. Baby John immediately stopped.

"I want an orange drum kit with a big gong." Baby John grinned.

**The Xavier Institute**

An hour later, Spiral materialized in the X-Mansion. She noticed the X-Men had covered their ears. The sounds of drums banging and cymbals crashing were all over the place.

"Thank the Goddess you arrived, Spiral!" Storm yelled over the din. "Baby Pyro has been making noise non-stop!"

"Let me guess, you put St. John behind a drum kit." Spiral smirked.

"We had to! It was the only way to get him to stop setting things on fire!" Jean yelled. "We found the Baby escapees! Paul's asleep, Craig's in the kitchen, and John's playing drums!" Then an Australian-accented voice started singing.

"_LA LA LA LA LA LA LA!!!! **LAAAAAA!!!**"_ Baby John crooned while doing a drum solo.

"Remy is going to _kill_ St. John when he gets back!" Gambit growled.

"You and me both." Peter added.

"I **really** hate that Starchild…" Scott growled.

"I'll go get them." Spiral went to gather the escaped X-Babies. Longshot walked in the door.

"Look what I found." Longshot wheeled in four X-Babies. They were in bodycasts and sitting in wheelchairs. The only parts of their bodies that weren't covered in bandages were their eyes. They looked like mummies. Scott, Peter, Remy, and Ray looked at their bandaged counterparts.

"(I **HATE** THAT STARCHILD!!!)" Baby Scott screamed in a muffled voice.

"My God, what did he **do** to you guys?!?!" Peter asked.

"(My head hurts.)" Baby Ray moaned.

"Hey Spiral, if you ever need anyone to baby-sit Baby Paul, I'm available." Tabby grinned. "He's a sweetheart."

"Ah wanna baby-sit him!" Rogue snapped.

"No, _I_ do!" Jean yelled. Another argument among the X-Girls started again. Spiral returned with the three X-Babies, blinking in confusion. The other X-Men sighed.

"Can we go home please, Spiral? I'm hungry." Baby Paul asked.

"I want to set something on fire." Baby John yawned. Baby Craig walked up to Scott.

"Mama's boy!" Baby Craig kicked Scott in the shin.

"OWWWW!!!" Scott leapt up and down, screaming in pain, holding his shin. "Why you little…" Craig's eye flashed.

"You are a duck!" Baby Craig said. Scott started flapping his arms and quacking.

"Quack Quack! Quack Quack!" The other X-Boys walked away from Baby Craig nervously.

"C'mon Longshot, let's get these kids home." Spiral sighed.

**Mojoworld******

Back in Mojoworld, the returned X-Babies were having a ball, causing chaos as usual. Baby Craig was playing his stolen video game, when he saw Baby Wanda walk by. He looked around quickly for a second.

"Hey Wanda." Baby Craig ran up to Baby Wanda. "Uhm…I got this for ya." He gave her a stuffed black cat, blushing. Baby Wanda smiled.

"Thank you." Baby Wanda smiled and gave Baby Craig a kiss on the cheek. Meanwhile, the X-Baby Girls loved the presents Baby Paul brought them. Baby John loved his new drum kit, because he was playing a never-ending solo.

"Thank you Paul." They said sweetly, giving Baby Paul a hug. The X-Baby Boys watched, still bandaged, still unable to move.

"(I hate Baby Paul. I'll get him if it's the last thing I **do!**)" Baby Cyclops grumbled. Baby Berzerker looked at Baby Colossus.

"(Hey wait, we never got your number, Colossus.)" Baby Ray realized.

"(Yeah, Gambit want to know.)" Baby Remy wondered.

"(My number is 13, why?)" Baby Colossus replied. The other three X-Boys started crying.

"(_Why_ do we get all the bad luck?)" Baby Scott sobbed.

Man, those X-Boys always get the short end of the stick, no matter what form they're in. This is L1701E, hoping you enjoyed my fic. Hope to see you all again in the future!


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